Emotional unavailability is addictive

The neuroscience of emotional unavailability, why inconsistency is highly addictive, how to break the cycle of addiction.

Have you wondered why you were unable to let go of that one person who defined your relationship ambiguously, treated you inconsistently and unfairly, and brought up your worst insecurities while at the same time subjecting you to sweet talking? Unfortunately for those of us who have a tendency towards dating “bad” boys or girls), our addiction to toxic partners is actually strengthened by their mistreatment of us.

When we’re into someone, the hormone dopamine gets released when we get attention from them. Dopamine is the reward-seeking, pleasure hormone. So the more we get it, the more we chase it, like a drug. When they message us, dopamine spikes. When we see them, dopamine spikes. When we’re intimate with them or kiss them or feel loved by them, dopamine spikes. There’s nothing wrong with dopamine per se, it’s important to feel pleasure and motivation, but the problem arises when their attention is inconsistent.

Inconsistency is dopamine’s best friend. Let me explain…