How to change your attachment style: from anxious attachment to secure

Anxious attachment can make us feel crazy in relationships, and ultimately push people away. Luckily, attachment styles aren’t fixed. Here’s how to become more securely attached.

I don’t think you need me to tell you what anxious attachment is, or even whether you’re anxiously attached. It’s talked about so much these days that many of us are generally able to categorise potential partners’ attachment styles before we’ve even sat down on the first date. If you’ve experienced that all-consuming, crazy-making, terror of anxious attachment, you probably know about it.

The good news is, you’re not stuck like this. Your attachment style is not your personality. It is not fixed. In fact, they change depending on who we’re in a relationship with, though most of us lean toward one particular style.

You might have fantasized about what it feels like to be more secure, to not be driven insane by your relationships, to stay regulated and calm and feel less afraid of rejection.

‘How do I become securely attached’ is one of the most frequent questions I’m asked, so strap in, because I’m going to tell you how exactly how to become secure.