The trap of not-enoughness: why getting what you want is a curse
My social mediate crisis, and the problem with always chasing something or someone
There’s nothing quite like getting what you want to make you realise that the thing you were seeking wasn’t actually what you wanted. We live our lives in a perpetual chase. We chase love, money, success, adventures, and experiences, all hoping that THIS will be the thing to fill the void inside, to finally make us happy. Countless books are selling the pursuit of happiness, as if happiness is something one can attain.
But all this does is reinforce our feeling of not-enoughness. The sense of lack is internal, it cannot be filled by something else. So when we get the thing we think we want, and it inevitably doesn’t fill the hole in us, we have to confront the part of us that doesn’t feel like enough all over again.
It happens in relationships too, we yearn for a relationship, and do everything we can to get it and then once we’re in one we start picking holes, seeing flaws, and creating problems. Suddenly the relationship isn’t good enough, we aren’t happy - wasn’t this supposed to be the thing that makes us happy? So we blame the relationship. We try to change our partner or find someone better, convinced that if we can just get what we want, then we will be happy.
I’ve been having a bit of a crisis with my social media of late. People aren’t always vulnerable about the realities of being online, of churning out the content, of chasing the numbers and highs, so I thought I would open up with you, my Substack community, which is the best place I’ve found for connection and vulnerability online.
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