Why we fear of abandonment and how to overcome it

Avoiding abandonment is not the answer - embracing it is.

We all want to be wanted. It is a fundamental human need to be loved. And we all fear abandonment (just some more than others), because abandonment threatens that need.

Fearing rejection comes from an evolutionary, survival-driven need for belonging. It hurts to feel we aren’t wanted, to be left because we need others to survive. Anything that feels scary to us is usually there for a reason, it’s our brains trying to protect us. Rejection (to our primitive brains) leads to death, so we protect against it at all costs.

So then why are some of us more anxious in relationships than others? Why do some of us have jealousy issues, convinced they’re going to leave us for someone better? Why do some of us obsessively stalk our exes trying to figure out why they left, and how we can get them back? Why do some of us stay in unhappy relationships out of fear of not finding someone else? Why do some of us yearn for love and then doubt it when it comes?

I answer these questions about the fear of abandonment in my book Your Pocket Therapist, which you can pre-order now. And I’m going to share a deep dive on why we fear rejection and how to overcome it here: